But it was the city of Logan in Queensland, a 30-minute drive from the state’s capital, that took out the top spot of “Sh*t Town of the Year”. The suburb’s most popular sports team is the Penrith Panthers, or in local parlance, the “Panfers”. Coffs is a comatose beachside ghetto and cultural wasteland with nothing to do but truckloads of meth. Lithgow was the site of the Small Arms Factory, a weapons plant manned entirely by people with small arms. RELATED: Australia’s ‘worst’ town lashes out It’s the sort of place that corporate shills on their second divorce fantasise about moving to so they can open a yoga retreat and root a dreadlocked barista on the beach. The city’s inmates pretentiously refer to themselves as “Novocastrians”, despite the fact that none of them can spell it.Newcastle’s main industries are filling the atmosphere with toxic smog, pillaging the earth and complaining about people from Sydney. 10 after a bag of poo was thrown at a bus driver and an elderly couple accidentally delivered $10 million worth of meth.“The city has been held by the gonads by organised crime groups that run massive drug, racketeering and assassination operations, but thanks to politicians and the media, locals are more afraid of fictional ‘African gangs’ tagging their fence,” the pair wrote. The most popular pastime involves proud Aussie primary school dropouts moaning that they can barely make their next meth payment because educated immigrants took all the jobs.Penrith is commonly known by locals as “Penriff” or “The Riff” due to the local accent/speech impediment, a source of constant confusion for Sydneysiders passing through on their way to Liffgow or Baffurst.
A popular nearby attraction is the Glowworm Tunnel, which is popular mainly because it provides visitors with an excuse to briefly leave Lithgow. “The Steel City” is so fond of its working-class image that even its footy team wears hi-vis. The state’s official sport is discussing house prices and its official sexual position is crying under the doona.Byron Bay: ‘The country’s biggest d*ckhead magnet’. Now they’ve published a book. Crime news.
While the majority of Sydneysiders like to pretend their city ends somewhere around Annandale, Greater Western Sydney is where they keep their bogans, benefit cheats and prospective ISIS recruits.Wollongong: ‘Newcastle for People Who Have Given Up’.Wollongong is synonymous with most words starting with ‘un’: uncultured, unsafe, uninspiring, unclean, unsightly, undeniably unpleasant, unemployment, unprotected sex, unconsciousness and uncle-dads. It’s also a prime spot for spotting whales, which is why Byronites were still slaughtering humpbacks as recently as the 1960s. 1. Due to a dearth of fans, the ground only has stands on three sides; the fourth borders a road by the sea, allowing the Mariners’ usually wayward strikers to boot the ball into the drink with unsurprising regularity.Other crapholes along the Coast include “Terrible” Terrigal, “Wrong” Wyong, and the activewear-wearing single-parent mecca Copacabana (named after a Barry Manilow song). In Lithgow, it’s not just the bracing cold that will give you shivers.Penrith: ‘A super-slum notorious for its population of feral housos, yobbos and other ruffians’. Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea. The only things still operating there are a train station that does a roaring trade on departures and a maximum-security prison. We suggest you heed its warning.Coffs Harbour: ‘A comatose beachside ghetto and cultural wasteland’.Coffs Harbour is synonymous with bananas, blueberries and bulldogs. Full of decaying buildings and relying on a raft of dying heavy industries, the crime-ridden industrial wasteland is essentially a rustier version of Newcastle.Commonly called “The Gong” because of all the bashings, Wollongong is home to a wide swath of undesirable characters including drunken deros, strung-out needle fiends and an inexplicable number of personal trainers. Appropriately, gosfords are the standard dress choice of the town’s carefree female folk, usually paired with a thin strip of fabric as a top and no underwear, while the blokes favour Tapout shirts tight enough to show off the fruits of their disciplined steroid abuse.Gosford is home to the Central Coast Mariners football team, who play their home games at three-quarters of a stadium on the waterfront. The northern beaches are filled with surfer stereotypes who refuse to cross the bridge under any circumstances and will happily stab you for the perfect wave. Picture: Susan RileySydney, “otherwise known as ‘London for Aussies who can’t handle a twenty-hour flight’”, earned its rank at number eight because of a “gronk” who claimed to “be a ‘sh*t wizard’ and smeared his face with his own sh*t”, a van carrying $200 million of meth that crashed into cop cars outside a police station, and having had a “Despite its pristine beaches and many tourist attractions, Sydney was voted Australia’s eighth-worst town. The city now has nothing to promote other than the rusted carcass of a port with a decrepit CBD welded on, rows of abandoned shops and the country’s biggest KFC.
‘Sh*t Towns of Australia’ Book Comically Reveals the Worst Places in Australia. Five of Australia’s eight capital cities made the cut for Furphy and Rissole’s “Sh*t Town Power Rankings Worst of 2019” list.
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