“Don’t you... Q: Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell?
It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.The FBI had an open position for an assassin. —Submitted by J. Lee Since the coronavirus outbreak, my 47-year-old son has been washing his hands religiously. Me: There you go. “All of a sudden, the poor thing started running around the car as fast as he could. Q: Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell? I beat it single handedly.Superman was flying around Metropolis when he noticed Wonder Woman lying totally naked, spread-eagle on her bed. T., via e-mail My father liked to say, “I’m bald because a good man always comes out on top.” Dad loved to make people laugh.
When I was 12, my father told me a terrible story that had happened at the gas station that day. Mom admitted she didn’t have anything particular in mind, and the pair started chatting. ... cabinetmaker be the president? When my Dad got out of the Army, a friend gave him a job as a “diesel fitter” at his ladies’ undergarments factory. The definition of a perfectionist: someone who wants to go from point A to point A+. “I wear this for Mommy so she can show Daddy when he gets home.” —James Avery One of my wife’s third graders was wearing a Fitbit watch, which prompted my wife to ask, “Are you tracking your steps?” “No,” said the little girl. Only much later did I find out that it was his garage-door opener. “Sure,” said the first guy. Free shipping for many products! "A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. Know how I can tell? Exasperated, the customer glared at me and said, “In my newspaper, the ad was for this store!” —Edward Oppenheimer A customer walked into my clothing shop and asked to see the pants that were advertised in the paper that day.
“No, I... My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas.
He then asked for some e-cigarette products and handed me his ID to prove he was... An utterly confused woman called our local fire station about getting a haircut. Me: We have running shorts. That is ONCE A DAY! Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for... My daughter received this e-mail from a prospective student prior to the start of the semester: “Dear Professor, I won’t be able to come to any of your classes or meet for any of the tests. Originally the song had been credited to Madonna. The woman quickly learned that Mom was retired. Bartender: Three dollars. “Not me. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run. The first day on the job, he opens his lunch box and mumbles, “Oh no,... One night, the phone rang, and Dad answered it. M., via rd.com I was admiring my aunt’s necklace when she surprised me by announcing, “I’m leaving it to you in my will.” I was overjoyed, perhaps too much. “Sure. —David Bez Traveling through the Midwest, I stopped at an Ohio welcome center to pick up a state map. “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number,” I said. I was having so much fun, I said, “I hope the Indians tie the game in the ninth.” The die-hard Sox fans we were with were horrified, but not Dad. You rarely get one of these old wheat pennies nowadays,” I said, tapping the sheaf... One of my wife’s third graders was wearing a Fitbit watch, which prompted my wife to ask, “Are you tracking your steps?” “No,” said the little girl. Take your wife home.' You can learn from this one, also.”
Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. I wore it confidently to an evening party and glowed when a woman exclaimed, “Oh, how stunning!” Yes, I was grinning from ear to ear, until she added cheerfully, “Hang on to it, honey. I said, “Are you telling me other people are trying to put money into my account and you’re telling them no?” —Comedian Rich Vos I went to Bank of America to deposit a check, and they asked me for ID. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. Her face grew red, When the gentleman said ... “Look at the legs on that table!” —Clo Dodge My dad used to sing little ditties. "I was a father all my life,
She danced on the dining room table. —Bill Woodman When I was 12, my father told me a terrible story that had happened at the gas station that day. “Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does.” —Erin Dockery It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. So what’s the Wi‑Fi password? —Comedian Matin Atrushi A priest buys a lawn mower at a yard sale.
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